


a state of unfocus

by circuitry



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self-Aware
Genre: Fluff, Gordon has PTSD, Mutual Pining, Other, THEY SNUGGLE, They/Them Pronouns for Benrey (Half-Life), Trans Gordon Freeman, benrey learned asl for him, give him a hug dammit, gordon is selectively mute, he is also touch starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26404696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/circuitry/pseuds/circuitry
Summary: Gordon and Benrey are in love with each other, but both of them are too bad at communicating to tell each other that. A night of gaming sets them both off on the right foot. That's the power of Mario Kart and poor self-control.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 6
Kudos: 181





	a state of unfocus

**Author's Note:**

> just a quick note: there is a little section in here where gordon is speaking in asl. i know that you can't really make complete sentences in sign irl, but i wrote complete sentences here just for ease of reading!! that is all, enjoy the fluff

Benrey.

Oh god, Benrey.

They were the last person that Gordon ever thought that he would fall in love with. Alas, fate always wanted to have her way with him. So there he was, in his apartment, sitting next to Benrey on his couch and playing video games with them. He just couldn't keep his eyes on the screen. Why would he want to look at a screen when he could focus on the beautiful creature sitting next to him?

After everything that happened at Black Mesa, Gordon really thought that Benrey was gone. But then they showed back up one day - obviously (instantly) re-befriending Dr. Coomer and Dr. Bubby first, they knew better - and he found that he didn't mind them being around now that the Science Team wasn't in the midst of an apocalypse. Actually, he liked them being around. He liked them being around so much that when they came to his apartment all the time and eventually stopped leaving, he never told them to leave. Instead, he made all the necessary accommodations for them to live there.

So he kinda walked right into it.

Now, there they sat, playing Mario Kart on Gordon's old SNES. He kept crashing into things while Benrey took the lead, because only one of them wasn't paying attention. How could Gordon focus on a bunch of pixels when he was sitting so close to someone so warm, so real? He spent his time studying them out of his peripheral vision, making out every little feature he could, observing things like how they sat cross-legged and slouched over, or like how their lips curled up to show their crooked, wide smile every time they hit someone with a red shell. He berated himself for being so detail-oriented, but he just couldn't help himself. He fell really hard for Benrey.

Luckily for him, Benrey felt the same way.

They were too hyperfixated on Mario Kart (because they're a pro gamer) to be gay. Outside of Mario Kart, though, they really liked being around Gordon, as evidenced by the fact that they kind of just moved themselves right on in. There wasn't another soul that they wanted to lay on the floor next to and bother while he read books like a loser or watch drink copious amounts of tea at an ungodly hour. Benrey had never fallen in love before, so this was new. It was new and gut-wrenching and honestly more frustrating than anything, but they sort of liked it. Those were their Gordon Feelings, the feelings they associated with their favorite person.

Eventually, Benrey decided that they were done with Mario Kart. They popped the game cartridge out and turned off both the console and the TV. Now it was just them, Gordon, the dark, and Gordon's hallway nightlight that they liked to tease him for having.

Gordon's heart skipped a beat. Several, actually. His heart was borderline palpitating. Maybe he should go see a doctor about that. But he was too busy focusing on the heavy silence and dark that blanketed itself suddenly over his senses. It was overwhelming, and he just couldn't find words. Speech wasn't available for him right now, but his hands sure were.

'Why did you turn it off?' he signed.

"im bored. and also you weren't paying attention," Benrey replied.

'I totally was.'

"you kept crashing. crashing into walls. crashing into cars. crashing into the sun."

'I was focused on you,' Gordon began to sign, but cut himself off before he could expose himself and his gay internal monologue like that. His hands froze in the air.

"focused on what? not mario kart."

Instead of replying, he laced his fingers together and put them in his lap. A silence ensued.

Right then and there was when Benrey decided that they were cold, and instead of turning around and grabbing the blanket that Gordon kept draped over the back of his couch (and they were very fond of that blanket), they decided that they wanted to be in his lap. That was way warmer and required way less effort. It also meant that they could be very close to him, which was also an ideal circumstance right now, right above being warm.

Gordon was - unsurprisingly - surprised by this development. His hands moved out of the way instinctively when they half-crawled over, and Benrey sat themselves right in his lap. They were a lot smaller than him, and fit pretty perfectly - all awkwardly half-curled up - right against his chest. Gordon wasn't really sure what prompted it, and the cogs in his brain started turning, thinking about every possible motive for them getting so close. He started freaking himself out with it. His racing heart combined with the butterflies in his stomach from a cutie suddenly sitting in his lap made him feel like he was going to drop dead any moment.

"wanna snuggle?"

"...What?" Gordon half-whispered.

"wanna snuggle?" Benrey repeated.

Gordon didn't bother replying. Fuck yeah did he want to snuggle. He wrapped his arms around Benrey's waist and softly pressed his face against whatever part of them was closest to said face. His thick curls cascaded down around his face and certainly into theirs, but if they minded, they didn't do anything about it. 

This was so out of the blue and he was so touch starved that he started crying a bit. Benrey wasn't sure what to do.

"you're shaking a lot."

"Yeah," he choked out.

"you ok?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm okay."

A pause. A sniffle.

"here. you're giving yourself a glasses imprint."

Once Gordon lifted his head up, Benrey plucked his glasses off of his face and folded them up, placing them gently aside. It was dark, but Gordon's face was softly illuminated, and they were suddenly thankful for the nightlight. They used their sleeve to gently pat off the tears on Gordon's face. They gazed into his eyes for just a second, but it was such an intense second. Too intense for them, really. Their eyes darted away, and they pulled his head back into them. Thoughts of how his eyes almost glowed lingered in their brain.

"Thank you, Benrey."

"sure thing."

"You're really warm."

"'m super cold. decided i'm going to steal all of your heat. you're a space heater. big heat man."

"I think was destined to make enough heat for the both of us."

The pair remained like that for what felt like forever. Neither of them wanted to move, since they were so comfy and so warm and so content. The longer they sat there, though, the sleepier that both of them got. Gordon was having a hard time keeping his eyes open, and when Benrey let out a very big, cat-like yawn, he suggested that the two lay down under the blanket. They agreed, and no time was wasted in laying down and getting snuggled up against each other. They had no choice but to be his little spoon, since the couch was sort of small and Gordon was so tall and clunky that he had to curl up in order to not hang halfway off the couch. It was more than comfortable for the both of them, and before they knew it, they both had drifted off to sleep.

Maybe when they wake up tomorrow, Gordon will finally say it. Maybe he'll finally get the courage to confess just how in deeply in love that he has fallen and ask Benrey to be his partner; and not just in crime.

Maybe when they wake up tomorrow, Benrey will finally say it. Maybe they'll finally get the time to spill out everything that they've been feeling, and Gordon will understand every word they have to say.

But for tonight, they each kept their "I love you" to themselves with a determination for tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> wow holy fuck. i haven't written fanfic in a long time, but i published another fluffy frenrey drabble a couple days ago and it blew up a little bit??? it really boosted my confidence in writing (makes me feel like my writing style is in fact Enjoyable and Not Weird) and inspired me to write another because i still have hardcore frenrey brainrot and i feel a small obligation to feed my fellow hlvrai gays some good food. so thank you to everyone who read my last piece and thank you for reading this one!! also i might add another chapter or two to this if you guys so desire. i love these two so much and i could write about them for forever. thank you so much for reading!!! :) ♡ -circuit


End file.
